#parentfail

I homeschool my five-year old. When he was a baby I would picture what it would be like to homeschool him as I nursed him at 3 in the morning (his favorite time of the day). In my picture it was perfect. We would be sitting at a table together and I would lovingly have my hand on his shoulder and the with other hand would be pointing at a book helping him read. There would be lots of days filled with giggling, learning, reading together, making crafts, and having fun.

Fast forward 5 years....
Liam was supposed to read a very short story in which he was VERY capable of doing. Liam is a very bright and fast learner. I knew without any doubt that he could complete the task that had been given to him but he played around, acting silly, and pretended he couldn't read. I would re-direct him over and Over and OVer and OVER again!!!! Oh good grief I was getting mad. I told myself not to get mad, but I did. And oh did I ever get mad. I got up threw the book and demanded he go to his room. His face stopped me in my tracks. Tears, guilt, and shame began to rush through my body. I asked him to go to his room but not because he's in trouble, but because mommy needs to calm down. After a moment I calmed down, apologized, and we read the book. I failed him and his face said it all. #parentfail #homeschoolfail #momfail #madmama #badmama #stupidmama

Yes I felt all those things. I had stood there and condemned myself. There, in that moment, the Lord spoke to me. He didn't say "you are a great mom" "I love you" "don't beat yourself up" "you are perfect in my love". All true but he didn't say that. He said "yes you failed, your love is faulty, your love has gaps, your love is not perfect, you will fail over and over and over again, BUT I have not failed him, my love is not faulty, my love has no gaps, my love is perfect, I will not fail over and over again." And through my tears, my heavy heart, my crushed spirit I breathed a sigh of relief. I am not perfect, but HE is and thats all that matters
We have all been there. We have all had a #parentfail moment. We have lost our temper, said something that's not true, reacted to a situation poorly, gotten frustrated, or any other parent fail you could think of but God's grace is sufficient. He is perfect and will provide everything I lack.
Yes I will strive to be better but not in a place of shame because I have already messed up. I will strive to be better because I know that through Jesus I am made whole.

Grace

I want grace to be an immediate reaction from my heart

When Jesus lived on the earth grace was the immediate reaction from his heart. He didn't have to think about it. He didn't have to talk himself into it. He didn't have to apologize for how he first reacted and then react in grace. Jesus is grace.

I want grace to be an immediate reaction from my heart.

Ireland

My heart is always heavy on this day. It is a day that celebrates a man who loved God and loved people. It is a day that celebrates a man who saw people the way God saw them. It is a day that celebrates a man who believed in telling people about the Gospel. It is a day that celebrates a man who forgave the people who hurt him the most. He didn't focus on what was stolen from him, he focused on what was given to him.

My heart is heavy because I long so much to be like that.

I had an amazing opportunity to visit Northern Ireland on  a Missions trip. It was such an amazing, powerful trip. We saw people find God's dream for them. I got to see people gain destiny for their life. I got to see people being called into what God intended them to be. It was so powerful.

The other reason why I am so blessed that I got to go on that trip is because I got to go with and meet people who are just like St. Patrick. People who loved God and loved people. People who passionately believed in telling people about the Gospel. People who were quick to forgive. People who didn't focus on what was stolen from him, but focused on what was given to them.

I will be forever grateful for that mission.

The next pictures are of Mt. Slemish, this is where it is said that St Patrick watched his flock

In conclusion……

Jesus in the Morning

There are many things that I wanted to make sure to do with our children. We have a one year old right now and we have made it a point to read a devotional every morning. I am now starting to see the benefits of it. Every morning we make it part of our routine to read his morning devotional. Yes I know I am a stay at home mom and I do realize that when we finally start our day everyone one else in the world has already dropped their kids off at school and have gone to work. But I did work for 5 months when Liam was first born and I did manage to fit his devotional in every morning.

Whatever you start your day out with is your priority. This convicts my heart as I am typing this because the first thing I do (even before getting out of bed) is check Facebook. Facebook is obviously my priority so I commit right now to make Jesus my priority. I will not make him the second most important thing but my first. I will do my personal devotion before Facebook.
When I first started devotions with Liam he was about a week old and he would just sleep through them and he had no idea what was going on but I do believe that I am feeding his spirit not just his mind, but even if that wasn't true the point is to make it a routine to put Jesus first.
Liam is one and half now. We still do them every morning and no, he probably still doesn't gain biblical knowledge but he knows that we need to read that blue book before we doing anything (eating is what he really wants to do). He knows that those words in that blue book must be important if he can't have his banana until he reads it.
Saturdays we vary from our routine a little bit. Its the only day I let Liam watch cartoons mostly so he can watch them in bed with me and I can go back to sleep (I know, I know, great parenting). One saturday he must have been hungry because he got off the bed walked out of the room and came back with his devotional book. I helped him climb on the bed, then he closed the laptop that was currently playing Justin Time (We LOVE Justin Time) and threw the book at me as if to say READ IT LADY ITS TIME TO START OUR DAY!! I love that he knows that we can't start our day until we read it.

And yes I am human too and there are times when I have tried to pass up devo time and Liam has totally challenged me on the issue. If I say "Come on Liam lets eat, we have to go" he will run into his room and grab his book. How do you tell a one-year old "I'm sorry we don't have time for Jesus today"? But yet we tell Jesus himself everyday when we pass up spending time with him. When we continually make if the second most important thing in our day.


Here is the devo we use. Yes it says GoodNIGHT but we use it in the morning. I love it!! It is great for all ages. We have already gone through it a few times. Let me know if you have a better one!!

When you are faithful to read the word of the Lord to your child I really believe it changes them even before they are able to "comprehend" it. I feel like Liam is who he is because of the Word that is constantly being poured into him. (We may need to up the Word intake now that we are approaching the "terrible twos"). I know he feels something when we read it because even though we have a million book (yes I am over exaggerating, but not by much. I used to be a kindergarten teacher) I find him alone in his room "reading" his blue book. And there really isn't any pictures in this book so I know he just loves it because he feels Jesus.
Don't you want to feel Jesus? Don't you want your kids to feel Jesus? Then lets start our day with him.

One of those moments I found him "reading" his book about Jesus 

Reading Material

The sun is out. And I have a window open because the temp is actually in the 40’s I haven’t felt that all winter, except for the brief trip I took back home to Arkansas. I like the sun. I have missed it. The ground is still covered with several feet of snow with more on the way this week, and the snow piles in parking lots are starting to look like Mt. Everest. But I will take the sun for now.

Now on to more important issues, why do men have to have reading material when they do their business in the bathroom? Obviously I haven’t done a complete scientific study on this, but the men that are in my life all poop with a book; even my son who is just started potty training. The first time he sat on the pot he signed the word book. It’s like it is in their DNA. 

Liam reading on his big-boy potty

Do they use that time as their quiet time? Is it their moment to get away from everything? Is it a stress reliever? Because as a mom I don’t get peace and quiet in the bathroom.  I get this cute little blue eyed; blonde headed boy yelling gibberish at me. Deep down I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Obviously not our bathroom but I thought it was funny

I don’t get why men do it, but I might as well take it to my advantage. So I started to put reading material on top of the toilet that I think he should be reading, Such as a jewelry magazine, and article on how to be a good husband, the bible turned to Eph 5:25 – Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and he gave himself. They may not want to get in and get out like us women do but at least I can get some gain out of it!!

I don't know who this little guy but he feels the same way I do

Enjoy your sun, if you have it!! I am enjoying ours.

Setting the Table

So I am just sitting here with my son sitting next to me blogging on his computer.

And I can’t help but think about how thankful I am for what God has done for me in my life. He has done so much for me. He has healed me from scoliosis; a friend of mine literally saw my spine move. My son was healed physically; he was diagnosed with a possibility of having everything from leukemia to kidney failure with cystic fibrosis somewhere in there as well. They didn’t know what was wrong with him, but it didn’t matter God healed him. Those testimonies are huge!! But the testimony of my heart today is just the simplicity of God. How he is always there. Through what we would call the big things or the small things he is there. I think so many times I take things for granted the things He does for me everyday. I shouted and hollered when my spine was healed and when Liam blood tests and x-rays came back normal. I should hoop and holler that I have never gotten in an accident; I stay out of harms way everyday; I have never been without food (maybe not the food or the clothes I wanted but I still had them). Maybe I should be thankful that the sun came out today, and I have clean air to breathe (I have a friend in China where clean air doesn’t come to often).

I did an internship once in an intercity church in Little Rock, AR. The pastors there were so amazing! They had so much grace and patience for the people there. I remember one time there was a lady there who stood up and started shouting and praising God for her water and electric getting turned back on, that the van came and got her to church, and for her kids who are no longer going to get in trouble!! It was really funny at the time, but I think she was on to something

I asked a friend of mine how she was doing after a tragedy in her life. And she said all I know to do right now is to prepare a table of thanksgiving in the presence of my enemies. (Read Psalm 23 at some point today)

You know preparing a table of thanksgiving is a great idea, but not just during crisis but also during just simple things in our life. I feel like if we do that it doesn’t give the enemy and room to try to root selfishness, bitterness, jealousy, envy, insecurities in our life.

So my table of thanksgiving is always going to be set. I want to live a life of gratitude.

LOVE

Love…..

It’s the word of the month…. LOVE….

We say it all the time. We say it to our husband (I say it way more than him!! J). We say it to our kids (Liam can’t say it just yet, but he definitely knows how to show it). We say it to our friends (I am lucky to have the best friends ever). We say it to our family (I have more mom’s and dad’s than most people….lots of love right there). We say it all the time.

But where does love come from??

1John 4:19

We love Him[a] because He first loved us

Love came from God. He created it. It’s the emotion He had while creating us. It’s the emotion He had when he called Abraham to be the father of all Nations. It’s the emotion He had when he saved Noah out of the flood. It’s the emotion He had when he saved Moses as a baby. It’s the emotion He had when He called disciples. It’s the emotion He had when He healed the multitudes. It’s the emotion He had when He sent his only son Jesus to die for us. It’s that emotion that saved us. It’s that emotion that healed us. It’s that emotion that we were set free.

God LOVES us. And I LOVE him.

We have all heard the story of Jesus dying on the cross. But by default because of our busy lives, our routines, or religious deeds that is all it ever becomes is a story. A story that we do love and a story we cherish… but it’s a story.

Do you remember the first moment in your life when it wasn’t just a story it was an experience, it was a moment, it was a movement in your heart. It was in that moment that the heaviness of God’s love flooded your life. You realized what Jesus actually did for you.

I can remember a few of those moments. I can remember the first time I felt it. I remember when I watched the movie The Passion of Christ I felt it then. I remember once when I was just driving with the beautiful hills of Arkansas as my background, I felt it then. I remember listening to a message someone preached once, I felt it then. And I felt it just the other day during a devotion.

We have those moments where we just stand still, we have to stand still, when you really realize God’s love for you it’s paralyzing.

So I encourage you this month---The month of LOVE to have one of those moments. Ponder what God really did for you. He sent his only Son to die on a cross so that you can be saved, so that you can live in freedom, so that you can be near him, so that you can be healed, so that you can love others but mostly because he LOVES you.

Have a moment….but then stay in that moment…forever!!